House Rules?

I was asked the other day to weigh in on God's "house rules" for life... I don't think that saying God has rules, helps us understand the Bible very well, as that makes for some problems with legalism. Yes there are rules in the Bible, but it is not a rule book. It is a book that tells a story wherein some rules are placed as a part of the story of God's relationship with humanity. The big idea is there are somethings we shouldn't do, like reject God's wisdom for the knowledge a snake wants to share. The rules multiply when Moses shows up, but then Jesus drops the rules down to one, love God and oh, the second is love others.

The Sermon on the Mount is a good starting point for understanding how Jesus calls us to live. So that's found in Matthew 5-7.

I would say the difficulty in outlining all the ways we are called to live and love are multifaceted issues of culture, language, and mental/emotional development.

Culture reorders our understanding of priorities in how to love others based on the norms we are already immersed in. A good book that scratches the surface of culture's dynamic influence on faith  is Strange Virtues: Ethics in a Multicultural World.

Language changes our understanding in much the same way as culture because it totally changes how we understand the world and it is embedded in our culture. When you learn a new language, you are learning a new culture. There is an article written by the New York Times that talks about how language changes our view of the world and the book The Geography of Thought is focused more closely on how Asians and Westerners use their brains rather differently.

As far as mental/emotional development, you can not understand some concepts or relationships until you mature, have certain needs met, and find yourself in a relatively safe place. Living in constant fear destroys certain abilities to reason and connect with others. Children cannot understand certain concepts like conservation of volume until sometime between the ages of 7 to 11. There are other maturing issues that are necessary as well to develop complex logic, reasoning, and healthy emotional attachment. Some resources that might help with how we think about how mental and emotional development affect our faith and relationships with others are the book The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion by Jonathan Haidt, and Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It's Impossible to Be Spiritually Mature, While Remaining Emotionally Immature by Peter Scazzero.

There are likely more areas that could be shared, but this is a good beginning. If you know of other books or articles that speak to these ideas, please do share.

Thank you!

Links:
Facebook Live video: https://www.facebook.com/andrewthill/videos/10155779139625677/

Matthew 5-7: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+5+-+7&version=NIV

Strange Virtues: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001OW5UVM

NY Times article: https://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/29/magazine/29language-t.html

Geography of Thought: https://www.amazon.com/Geography-Thought-Asians-Westerners-Differently-ebook/dp/B0044R96OQ

Conservation: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conservation_(psychology)

The Righteous Mind: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0052FF7YM

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B01HAKH3IE

When Wronged

Someone treats you poorly... what will you do?

Do you return poor treatment with more of the same or do you find a way to lower the temperature of your own thermostat and maybe theirs too?

Proverbs has a great suggestion, speak kindly to them and see if their heart doesn't drop the fury and find something different. Children as young as 5 months experience cognitive dissonance (they get confused) when they see things that don't match their expectations. They won't play with a toy that abuses another toy in a puppet show, while preferring the toys that help other toys. Very young children are always sifting and sorting through relationships and we continue to do it as we age.

If you answer poor treatment with harsh words, you are sure to get an escalation, fire on fire, pain for pain, and the world ends up bleeding and broken. Jesus says we are to be radically generous with our personal ability to absorb pain, give away possessions, and bless other people, even those people. However, I do believe boundaries are necessary and healthy. Jesus didn't say to go back to your abuser daily and receive more abuse from them, he only taught that it is in the moment of the event that we might show them love by going beyond their expectations.

You can pray for your enemies while setting boundaries to love them without regular abuse. Jesus did teach his followers to step out in faith, risk everything, but if not received to walk away and shake the dust from your Chacos or Tevas or whatever the sandal or shoe is you are wearing. And for those barefooted ... just wipe the dust off of your feet, I guess. Whatever your foot-covering-preference, you do not need to fight. Love God, love others, love yourself, and walk away.

This message brought to you by:
Proverbs 15.1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt: https://www.amazon.com/Righteous-Mind-Divided-Politics-Religion-ebook/dp/B0052FF7YM
Matthew 5.38-48 and 10.14
Live on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/andrewthill/videos/10155774363000677

You Do You

Let's not be crass about this, but let's be honest. 

Some people will never understand you.

There's an endless number of reasons two people won't see eye to eye on things. Sometimes it is history, as in they grew up in a different place and time (because we all did, yes even those identical conjoined twins have a different perspective and experience of life, even though it is just inches apart).

Maybe these people are not happy, are jealous (or maybe you're jealous), or maybe they have some other issue in their life. Maybe they need to fix the world, you happen to be in view, and you don't fit their expectations. Or maybe the two of you just don't mix, you are like oil and water. They want fish and chips and you want Chipotle. Preferences, personalities, and maturity levels all play a part.

But in reality, you need to do what you do as best you can and grow as much as you can while doing it. This other person may be able to help you, if only through their stance as a critic. But there are many times you should not focus on them, you should do the best you you can do.

As the amazing theologian Taylor Swift sings, "Haters gonna hate ...so shake it off." So do your best to love them from a distance and move on with life, if you have learned what you need to from them.

Here's a link to Seth Godin and Simon Sinek on Facebook having a great conversation that brought this to my attention. Check it out around 24:00 and watch until Seth finishes talking about "it's not for you" which will take about five minutes.

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." - Romans 12:18 (NIV)

This is one way to live at peace with everyone. Love them from a distance. You do not need to be best friends with everyone. You need to love them and sometimes it is from across the room, across the street, or even from across the world. 

Links:
1. https://www.facebook.com/sethgodin/videos/10155184345706300/
2. https://seths.blog/2014/06/its-not-about-you-2/
3. My Facebook Video of this blog: https://www.facebook.com/andrewthill/videos/10155772506245677

Car Wash Day

Trying to wash the vehicles today... me to kiddos:

"Stop spraying everything! I said you could get wet, not take a bath in those bubbles. How many times are you going to wash the hood of the car. Stop throwing the sponge on top of the car. Don't throw the sponge at the car. We aren't trying to use up all the soapy water, just wash the car." 

They ask twenty times, "Can we wash mom's can? Can we? Mom can we? Dad can we?"

Me: "Okay, we can wash the van. But not in the garage. Stop throwing your sponge on top of the car. I said we aren't washing the van inside the garage. I have to back it out first. Stop spraying everything. We don't need to wash the inside of the car. The hose doesn't go in there. Get out of the car. No, I'll wash the top of the car. I said we aren't washing the van in the garage. Quit washing the hood of the car. Stop putting soap every where. Leave the bucket alone. We aren't washing the van in the garage. Wait till I pull it out."

The price one pays for children helping.

The price one pays for children not helping... no relationship. Lack of help later. No joy at their crazy antics. And no hosing them off just for fun. 

Power, Love, and Self Control

There's a quote that has helped me in dealing with fear.

"For God did not give us a Spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1.7

I remind myself as often as needed, which is sometimes quite frequently, that the Spirit of God lives in me and it is God's power, love, and self-control that moves me. When I am in agreement with God's Spirit then I am moving in step with God and have nothing to fear, no reason to be timid, no reason to feel shame or guilt... which motivates me to live fully in God's grace provided by Jesus in his victory on the cross.

Praying you can walk with God's Spirit, move beyond your fears, and into power, love, and self-control. And if a 5 second tool helps, then so be it. Define your fears and walk through them in power.

A TED talk that gives a tool for defining fears and moves you to embrace life.

A YouTube song by Matthew West singing about the above quote.

Wealth Distribution!?

Who gets to decide how much money the wealthiest people should have? Who decides about CEO salaries compared with the average worker?

Jordan Peterson says there will always be inequality because it is a law of nature. The Pareto Principle  (edit: better to say Perato Distribution) applies to stars, cities, and salaries. You can't get away from it. The distribution of wealth will be terribly uneven.

But you can change the culture and therefore change expectations of the wealthy and society as a whole. LeBron James has started a school and given away millions in scholarships to change the lives of the at risk kids in his hometown of Akron, Ohio.

What if all the wealthy athletes, owners, CEOs, and anyone else with loads of money started a school? What if the wealthy had a kingdom model that inspired them to be generous, blessing others, and bringing about the shalom of God?

Jesus said you will always have the poor with you. He also said those that have will get more and those that don't have will lose even the little they have. Does this mean we are locked into a society that is terribly unjust? Or could it mean we have to constantly recalibrate society towards a kingdom mindset?

Let's focus on you and me and changing the culture around us. How can you be generous? Maybe you won't start a school, but could you volunteer at a school? Maybe you won't offer scholarships, but could you help with tutoring or housing? How can you be rich towards others?

A Different 5 Second Rule

I have used this rule many times... most of all to write papers for my MDiv, to exercise, and to break out of a negative mental cycle.

What is it you have been putting off, but just need to get started doing?

What is God calling you to do, but you just haven't had the courage?

What is one thing in your immediate presence that you need to do, but have been struggling with?

Maybe there's a phone call you need to make. A book you need to read. Something you need to put down. Exercise you need to begin. Or a bit of cleaning you need to do?

Let's start now. Decide what you will do that will only take 5 minutes. Get yourself ready and count down 5 seconds and immediately take some action. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... and go.

I'm publishing this blog.


Safe written explanation: https://melrobbins.com/blog/five-elements-5-second-rule/

Slightly awkward (uses some language) video: https://www.ted.com/talks/mel_robbins_how_to_stop_screwing_yourself_over

Book: https://www.amazon.com/Second-Rule-Transform-Confidence-Everyday/dp/1682612384

Perspective

Have you considered that maybe your perspective is off?

Many times I have understood something entirely wrong, simply because I had a perspective problem. I was looking at the issue from my perspective and not the perspective of a child, a friend, or a stranger.

We can see this in church, when we think our church is friendly but in reality we only greet one another, never making room for the outsider.

We can see this in international relations when we give a perfectly appropriate gift for our culture, but one that means something else entirely in the culture of our international friend.

We can see this perspective problem when priorities are different among colleagues. Someone values the relationship with the customer more than the business and the other values the business more than the relationship.

This painting was meant for kneeling in prayer, not to hang in a gallery. So the art critics were always saying the perspective was off, until one of them knelt down in front of it to pray.

(Picture from: http://turn-the-page.co.uk/proper-perspective)