Comfort & Opinions

I feel like a man who has many tools, but has never really learned how to use them. Then why do I have them? What does He want from me? Where am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to do? What do You want from Jaime and I? Where do You see us? Where will You call us to serve You and Your people?

The people are all without a Shepherd. They are in danger of going to the worst unimaginable place. If we aren't serving them, sharing You with them, and giving our lives for them, how will they know You? How will they be rescued? How will they find Home? Is this worth my life? Really ... what if I loose it? More close to reality, are these people worth my safety and health? Even closer still, are they worth my time and comfort? Can I be disciplined enough to serve them for You? Can I give up some of my precious free time so others won't suffer forever? (This sounds ridiculous, but isn't it the truth? I never really thought about it so simply, so directly, until He broke open my heart and showed me how calloused I am.)

Is my life supposed to be about them or me? What is most important here? What others think? What I think? Or what my Father thinks?

I struggle with strange waves of emotion. I am aware of my inadequacies, I know some of my shortcomings, but when it comes down to it, I simply haven't given up on my comfort and other people's opinions. I like it when others think I am smart, successful, doing a great service for my King, and really adventuresome. But taking pictures of remote places, teaching people His Word, and even making Disciples isn't what He wants. He wants me truly to give my heart, daily, continually, opening each little corner so His Glory will fill my life - so that His Glory can shine in this world.

He doesn't fill my heart so I can feel good about myself, that is a byproduct. It isn't so that others can think, "Wow, Andrew really loves his Savior" - that is too Pharisaical, and again it is a byproduct with purpose if I am humble. Then why does the Lord of Lords fill my heart? So that His Glory can receive honor, so that His Glory is upheld, and so that I can have a relationship with Him as I serve Him as my Lord and Master forever.

From this, He is longing for my friendship. He is tugging at my heart, asking me to open it to Him, so that He can show me how to have Life, how to Love, and He really wants me to learn His ways of understanding this world, His children, and myself.

I need to experience something of this daily. I need to keep some part of this moment fresh in my heart, so that I am useful to my King.

This is for me... it doesn't matter how much I clean myself up, I still need His cleansing. Yet, I am responsible to prepare myself for service to my King. No matter how old I get, this verse is fitting. No matter how mature I think I am, this verse is useful. No matter, He calls me to strip away the old ways and prepare anew for His service!

2 Tim 2:21-22, "If any one purifies himself from what is ignoble, then he will be a vessel for noble use, consecrated and useful to the master of the house, ready for any good work. So shun youthful passions and aim at righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call upon the Lord from a pure heart."